Posts on depression

Fighting for It

Lisa — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 13:14:57 -0800

Gray weather, gray moods. On the bright side, I've been trying to clean off my desk at work—partly by doing things that need to be done, partly by stacking everything else in a tidy procrastination pile—and came across a paper scrap that's been sitting here since, um, January.

I kept moving it around because it resonated with me and I didn't want to throw it away. It's a quote from author Eva Ibbotson, from her wonderful interview on the Just One More Book podcast. She's talking about the value of writing novels, especially for children, in which everything comes out all right in the end—even though reality rarely treats us so. She says this:

I find it quite difficult to maintain happiness. It has to be fought for. (4:10)

Totally.

Anyway, now that it's here on the blog, I'm going to recycle that scrap. Yes! Four more square inches of desk revealed!

Here's another gem from The Day I Became an Autodidact, by Kendall Hailey, apropos in a week in which I've decided I've done enough banging my head against the wall on one project and must work on something else for a while:

The truth is, I don't know how I am to go on writing at all, since I am pretty well convinced it's all excrement. But who knows, there is always the vague chance it's just shit. The only thing is, I'm going to have to ask soon and if anyone tells me it's anything but brilliant, I'll die. I type with one hand and hold my nose with the other, but at least I feel I'm getting something done. (p. 73)

That about says it.

Poetry Friday: The Dying of the Light

Lisa — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 14:51:30 -0700

Just in the past week or so I've really begun to feel the shortening of days. I've been biking home from work at dusk. After showering I've been changing straight into pajamas. It's totally dark when I eat dinner. I've already started a countdown to spring, which is dumb because, well, it's October.

I've always loved fall—second-best after spring, anyway—but for some reason I haven't been enjoying it that much this year. The weather's been gorgeous, not a thing to complain about, but I'm so dreading winter. Last winter felt harder than usual. Of course, so did this past summer. Beautiful weather, but I was under a cloud the whole time.

Anyway, I know Dylan Thomas wasn't writing about seasonal affective disorder when he wrote this villanelle. But right now, in my own literal way, I'm feeling a lot of "Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

You'll find this week's Poetry Friday round-up at Big A little a!

feeling s.a.d.

Lisa — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 05:41:32 -0800

According to the American Academy of Family Physicians, As many as half a million people in the United States may have winter depression. Another 10% to 20% may experience mild SAD." SAD, as in Seasonal Affective Disorder: depression that ebbs and flows with the seasons.

Given that the population of the U.S. hovers around 300 million, that means 30 to 60 million people are walking around right now with the winter blues - symptoms of depression that aren't life-changing enough to be treated clinically. Their lives continue more or less normally. They go to work and school. They're eating and sleeping okay. They have no interest in giving up on life. But there's a malaise clouding everything until the sunshine and green of spring return.

And yes, okay, maybe I am one of those people.

Thinking about this, I began to wonder what teen fiction out there talks about SAD. The only example I can think of is Brian Mandabach's ...Or Not?, in which the main character is given to depressive episodes year-round but is, readers are told, especially hard-hit in winter. In fact, I'm having trouble thinking of much teen fiction that deals with teen depression, period.

I can think of plenty of books that deal with a teen's grief following the death of a loved one; a depressed or otherwise mentally ill parent; or a teen who commits suicide and/or takes a gun to school and shoots everyone, following prolonged bullying or social ostracization. But what about books in which teen characters face depression on an ongoing basis, but don't commit suicide, don't shoot up their classmates? Is it just me, or is there really not much out there?

According to Teen Depression, about 20% of teens experience a depressive episode, which generally lasts about 8 months. Of those, 20-40% will experience multiple depressive episodes. About 5% of teens are suffering from major (clinical) depression at any one time. There's more statistics, but you get the picture: teen depression is remarkably common.

Meanwhile, only 8 in every 100,000 teens comitted suicide in the year 2000. I hate to say "only", because it's still a sad and frightening number. Suicide is the third leading cause of death among teens - how's that for scary? But it's still clear that the overwhelming majority of teens coping with depression do just that: find ways to cope.

Here are some other books I've come up with about teens with depression or bipolar disorder (which features depressive episodes), that focus on COPING rather than suicide:

Julie Halpern's novel Get Well Soon focuses on a teen with major depression, inspired by her own experiences. Little Willow has an interesting interview with Halpern about it here.
Sonya Sones's novel Stop Pretending: What Happened When My Big Sister Went Crazy is about a teen's experience with her sister's emerging bipolar disorder (again, inspired by the author's personal experiences).
Dia Calhoun's novel The Phoenix Dance is a retelling of "The Twelve Dancing Princesses," with a protagonist who copes with bipolar disorder. Calhoun has Bipolar Two Illness herself.

If anyone can think of others, I would love to know about them!

...Or Not?

Lisa — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 10:08:02 -0800

I chatted with Brian Mandabach at the First Annual Kidlitosphere Conference, and got a brief sneak peek at his debut novel, …Or Not? (Flux, 2007) I was enticed, but had five long weeks to wait before I could get my hands on a copy for real. (Note to library users: put quotation marks around the title, or the Boolean search engines'll get you.) Now I’m back to talk about it.

Just reading the jacket copy, you might think …Or Not? is the story of a confrontation between pinko Cassie and the right-wing jerks at her Colorado middle school. As it turns out, it really isn’t. Misconceptions aside, however, I enjoyed the story all the more for what it is.

Cassie Sullivan feels very deeply; I can think of no better way to put it. She’s smart and introspective and extremely sensitive to the pain in the world, particularly the pain of innocents. That’s why she’s a vegan, and that’s why she opposes America’s war in the Middle East. What sense does it make, she wonders, to counteract the terrorists’ killing of innocents on 9/11 with the killing of innocent families in Afghanistan or Iraq? Unfortunately, voicing her views in school does put her in a spot of trouble with some of her teachers and fellow students.

But as I said, that’s not where the real story lies. It’s just a catalyst for the real conflict: Cassie’s existential crisis. Living in a world filled with people doing such terrible things to each other and the planet, trapped in our routines of endless test-taking and kowtowing to authority, being so small and insignificant in a universe so vast, how can we go on living, day after day? Many days, Cassie wishes she could escape to her family’s rustic cabin in the mountains; some days she wishes she could escape the tethers of life completely.

In Jay Asher’s big debut Thirteen Reasons Why, the main female character finds reasons not to go on living. …Or Not?, in contrast, is about Cassie’s discovery of reasons to live, even when she’s feeling weighed down by the tedium and sorrow of life. It’s about finding the resolve to hang on, even when she feels helpless and hopeless.

I enjoyed and identified with Cassie as a character. You get the impression that she is a true individualist – not going against the grain for the sake of turning heads, but because she’s being true to herself, even when it’s unpopular. She does have a touch of righteous indignation about her, but Mandabach successfully prevents her from being insufferable by surrounding her with characters who respectfully disagree with her, and whom she respects in turn. Cassie’s prickly and wants to be left alone, yet she also longs to be loved. Kirkus' reviewer calls her "spoiled", and it's true that Cassie isn't facing dire circumstances; but as anyone who suffers from depression can tell you, life doesn't need to be dire to be difficult.

The whole time I was reading the school scenes, I wished I could break into the story and give Cassie and her parents a copy of The Teenage Liberation Handbook, by Grace Llewellyn. Cassie seems like a natural candidate for unschooling. She’s mature, intelligent, and driven in her particular areas of interest. She’s tortured by the rote learning, test taking, and stifling atmosphere of her school. Outside the confines of formal schooling, who knows what she might achieve? I can envision her writing books, learning to live sustainably, traveling the world to help people in need and causes she believes in. For that matter, her friend DJ might also be a good candidate for unschooling – not that his mother would ever go for it. He’s obviously remarkably intelligent (he writes a helluva love poem, anyway), yet barely scrapes by in school. He just doesn’t seem to be cut out it.

…Or Not? isn’t perfect. It runs almost 400 pages, which felt slightly long. The school harassment issues, which initially seem like the book’s focal point, drop out of the plot almost entirely, about a third of the way in, only to pop up again at the end as another incendiary event. Meanwhile, it’s suggested that a former friend of Cassie’s is behind the harassment, but the reasons for the end of their friendship and the ex-friend’s apparently extreme antagonism are never explained.

Nonetheless, I found …Or Not? to be a very enjoyable and thoughtful read. I imagine many teens will read Cassie’s story and think, “I thought I was the only one who felt this way about life!” And that by itself will give them hope as they learn to be.